Why Woman Have It Easy: SLUT IT UP - By BigBaller

So there I was sitting in a non-descriptive 4x6 conference room interviewing for hedge fund X. Across from me was your typical preppy boy portfolio manager (lets call him Joe) who seems annoyed that he had to be pulled away from his 6-screen bloomberg terminal to meet the likes of me. What difference does it make for him anyway? A peon is a peon and the lowest of the totem pole who would gladly be eating up all the shit he craps out anyways. He was scaned through my resume listlessly and asked me the customary "3 Whys" (Why finance, Why us, and Why You) and I was also on auto-pilot spewing the same glorfiied BS I gave to other firms. These days, I try to mix it up a bit just for kicks and have a bevy of answers kinda like a menu at Mickey Ds.

Lemme see. I'll start off with the "It was been my dream to be a trader since I was 5 yrs old, where I would scan the newspapers stock performance through the newspaper with my dad - it was how my father and I bonded. God bless him as he is not with us anymore *sniff*"

A 5 second pause to add a bit of drama...

Then I have a choice of A: "I'm a hardcore workaholic and my only fault is demanding 120% from myself"; B: "I've got nothing left to prove at my old place and I am here coz I wanna move on to the next level (ie. get paid bitch!)"; or C: "The politics at my old place was getting too stressful. I just wanna be at a simple horiztonal work environment, where i can focus 100% and make money."

Would you like fries with that? Eat it and weep bitch!

Anyways, I could go on for pages about my interviewing skills but that is not the point of this story, so I digress...

As Joe thanked me for wasting 1 hr of his precious time and escorted me to the door (where I'm sure I will never be back ever again), his eyes suddenly glanced behind me and a glimmer shot into his eye and suddenly his ho-hum demeanor sprang into life! I curiously tracked his sight and saw sitting at the entrance sofa a sleazy hot female who was here probably for MY job too. She was probably around 5'5", slightly colored long hair and fairly pedestrian looking face to be honest. I could not comprehend what caught the guy's attention until she stood up and I understood immediately. She was wearing a black dress that was 3.5 cm above the knee and tightly cusped around her ass; a shirt that had the buttons bursting at all the right place (ie. the bust) with the second button casually unbuttoned that were sending all the right signals.

Alright, time for me to cross hedge fund X off my list, there is no way I am getting the job over this hot tamali. Which brings me to my point:

How am I supposed to compete for a job when 7/10 looking girls are ahead of me just coz they...wait for it..SLUT IT UP! I was fuming for a while about how unfair the world is, but after thinking it through and wondering, "What would I do in Joe's shoes?" I have to agree that I'd probably pass myself up for someone I can eye-fuck day in day out. Actually come to think of it, S.I.U is the solution for all of womankind's troubles.

Can't find a job? S.I.U!
Can't pay for rent and need a place to crash? S.I.U
Wanna go to NYC for the summer sale but can't pay for airfare and room? S.I.U
Wanna get in the hippest new club without paying for drinks? S.I.U
Eyeing the 19658th monogram variation of the LV bag? S.I.U

All of world's troubles could be resolved by S.I.U. If you put Kim Jong Il in a room with my girl Jessica Biel, Scarlett Johansson, Adriana Lima, et al for 5 minutes; he would disarm his nukes in an instant. Guaranteed or your money back.

So all you jobless ho's out there who are competing for the same jobs as me. I don't blame ya if you S.I.U - if those are the rules of engagement, so be it. But let me tell ask you this, can you build a mini-merger model with MACROS in 2 hours? I didn't think so.