Most everyone has a list of things they want to do if they were unemployed. Some examples include traveling around the world in a hot air balloon, learning how to drive stick shift, break dance, save some kids in third world countries, skydive, become a whore, etc., etc. But what people fail to realize is NOBODY DOES ANY OF THIS $HIT WHEN THEY ARE UNEMPLOYED.
Think about it, have you met up with any of your unemployed friends and heard, "Yup, just got back from my three month hot-air balloon ride! Motherfucker almost popped so I just kept farting into it to keep it going." Or maybe, "Yah I'm just gonna be a whore until I find a job." Well maybe the latter but definitely not the former.
And the problem is because unemployed people are too stressed out about finding a job to actually enjoy all these things. Sure I want to go on a hot-air ballon ride around the world, but will there be 3G cell phone reception in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean? What if recruiters call? What if Goldman calls? What if Blackstone calls and wants a face to face interview the next day? I'll have to pop this motherfuckin' ballon! Worse yet, how are my high scores on Geo Defense gonna get uploaded to the server!?!
It's just a hope, but hey, things happen when you least expect it right? In the meantime, looking for a job is ... hard. Hard is an understatement. Imagine looking for a little piece of fly shit in a barrel of pepper. And instead of being able to use your hands or a tweezer, you're wearing boxing gloves. Confused? Let me put it in a way you bankers can understand. Imagine you're building a merger model of two $hit companies (like always) but your company has just installed the new Microsoft Office so none of your old Excel shortcuts work. On top of that, your VP, who knows nothing (like always), is standing right behind you micromanaging the $hit out of you. Then on top of that, imagine ten monkeys are jumping around, making noise, farting in your face, and one of them just ate your mouse. Model now, motherfucker.
I guess the hardest part is realizing that as an ex-banker you have no real marketable skills except bullshitting in blogs that nobody will read. Hopefully someone at Blackstone will read this, pity me, and offer me a job.
i think you would be much more marketable if you learned how to break dance..
ReplyDeleteIf I were unemployed, I'd do buy a weeks worth of microwave pizza's and not leave the house for a week.
ReplyDeleteBut you can't even complete geodefense swarm... if u can't do even this, why would people want to hire you!! The world revolves around geodefense!!
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