The Thing About Employment Is... - by Lazy Dude

See the thing about being employed is...no one even thinks being employed is fun. I mean, sure there are people who love their "job" but those are CEOs, professional athletes (sometimes) or pornographers. But by and large for the rest of us we don't go to work because it's fun.

Hey you know who else doesn't take around-the-world hot air balloon adventures, or learn to break dance, or rescue kids in third world countries? THE PEOPLE WHO WORK. You know why? Because they have to be some place all the time. Did you notice how the old dude in UP didn't go on his magical adventure until he was retired? You see how his only companion for the trip was a kid who, although ostensibly selling magazines (or whatever) is still a student? You know why? Cause they were not members of the working class. Shit, that old man had his hot air balloon ride AND rescued that same kid when they were in a third world country - all in 2 hours even. Don't tell me unemployed people don't do that. I have proof!

Oh, but seriously, it must be tough to roll out of bed whenever you want. It must be equally hard to get out of your sleeping pajamas and into your lounging pajamas before your long day of facebook stalking and watching tv. But you should already know why being employed sucks. When you have to wake up early to meet a client who decides to dick around for an hour after the appointed time before showing up, and when he finally shows up you have to smile, kiss his ass and pretend like waiting was fun and you had nothing better to do because HE is the center of your universe. And you know if you don't get the project done on time because your client doesn't get back to you the shitstorm hits you and not him. Evidently he invested in a super umbrella from brookstone.

You know what else is stressful? Having a job and keeping it. Those positions you're interviewing for are probably already occupied. You know who's stressed? The dude you're trying to replace. And I know you've heard the term work-related stress. That shit didn't come out of nowhere. Not only is there the stress from possibly losing your job, there's also the stress from your ACTUAL job. Kind of like your neat hypothetical about being unemployed is like having a VP who knows nothing micromanaging the shit out of you. You know who actually has VPs who know nothing that are omniscient and super cool and micromanage the shit out of them allow their employees the freedom to express themselves? Oops, sorry boss, didn't see you there. Anyways, it's we, the employed. So next time you start bitching about your 6 month vacation consider the only black stone I know is the one forming in my kidney and about to fuck shit up on its way out of my urethra. From work-related stress, of course.